Man, this gig really drains. I'm so fried I could just lay down. All I wanna do is chug some coffee and stare at the ceiling for days. But first, gotta post a few Lord Farquaad memes to defeat the struggle. Existence is a real rollercoaster, man.
The climb up the corporate ladder is merely a trek towards Shrek's swamp
Sure, they tell you it's all about drive, about scaling to the top and controlling your little empire. They paint a picture of success, but let me tell you, that shiny penthouse suite with its panoramic view? It's just another lonely tower in Shrek's swamp.
You'll be long shifts, meetings that go nowhere, and a never-ending parade of backstabbing coworkers. Your goals? They'll get swallowed up in the mire like another unfortunate tourist who wandered into this wretched swamp.
- And don't even get me started on the dress code. You think your power attire will impress anyone down here?
- Trust me, you'll be wishing for a good pair of rain gear
When you find yourself climbing that ladder, pause and ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Or am I just blindly following the system, only to end up like every other lost soul in Shrek's swamp?
Title: "Important Meeting" - My Being: "Like an Onion, Shrek."
You know that feeling when your manager sends out an swamp email with/about/regarding a meeting and the subject line just screams "urgency/importance/significance"? Yeah, well, my soul is currently experiencing something akin to a Shrek-themed onion. Layered with anxiety/dread/a healthy dose of WTF, each layer reveals/hides/uncovers another questionable/confusing/intriguing detail about the meeting's purpose.
Is it a performance review? A team-building exercise/activity/nightmare? Or, perhaps, the unveiling of a revolutionary/disastrous/slightly off-brand new company initiative? Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if it was a meeting about how to best prepare for/survive/celebrate an alien invasion.
- I need coffee. Like, a metric ton of coffee.
- Let me just pretend to be busy with something else.
- Will my soul ever recover?
This Spreadsheet Could Be Done Faster With Titan Power
Look, this spreadsheet is a real pain. I'm drowning in data and formulas, my brain is fried, and the deadline is looming like a hungry goblin. It wouldn't take some serious muscle to get this thing done. I'm talking about the kind of power that only a titan possesses. This ain't a job for your average office worker, this is heavy lifting work.
- Perhaps it's time to a squad of golems?
- This file requires a forklift
- I'm demanding caffeine injections
Weekend? Nah, I'm Just Going Back to My Layer Cake of Papers
The idea of relaxation this weekend is just absurd. My desk is currently a fortress of reports, each one demanding my attention. Honestly, I'm more motivated about tackling this stack of work than I am about binging some Netflix. Maybe a Sunday binge of caffeine and sorting is more my speed.
Full Time Work Makes Me Feel Like a Donkey in a Corporate Stable
I'm chained in this soul-crushing machine. Every day feels like I'm lumbering along, just another donkey in the factory. I'm exhausted from carrying this burden day after day. I long about breaking free.
- Maybe I'll become a farmer and actually be around animals that enjoy their work.
- {Or maybe I'll learn a new skill and finally find peace.
- {Whatever it is, I know I can't stay here forever.{ It's just not healthy.